When the Fun Disappears
Written by Derek Mulhern, PCC
As leaders, we often find ourselves carrying things that aren't working for longer than we should.
Most of us don't avoid these situations because we can't see them. We see them clearly. The challenge is that they often involve good people, complicated dynamics, and decisions we want to get right. So we wait for more information, more certainty, or a clearer signal that it's time to act.
In the article below, I share a leadership lesson that took me longer than I'd like to admit to learn. We explore what happens when we stop adapting around a problem and start paying attention to what we may already know.
Let's dive in.
The Thing We Keep Carrying
As leaders, we often find ourselves carrying things that aren't working for longer than we should.
Most of us don't avoid these situations because we can't see them. We see them clearly. The challenge is that they often involve good people, complicated dynamics, and decisions we want to get right.
This week, we explore what happens when we stop adapting around a problem and start paying attention to what we already know.
Earlier in my leadership journey, I found myself increasingly frustrated by a situation I couldn't seem to resolve.
Someone on my team had been an amazing contributor. They had actually transformed their work.
But as our team evolved, they weren’t evolving with it.
They created something they were willing to grow with.
I knew they were creating challenges for the team—slowing decisions down and creating tons of tension.
But I kept sitting with it, because before, they had such a positive impact on our team. I was certain there must be a creative way to solve this problem.
As I looked for a creative solution, I found myself more frustrated and having much less fun.
Looking back, I wasn't waiting for clarity.
I was waiting to trust myself.
The Question Beneath the Question
I've since seen the same thing in executives, boards, and leadership teams.
The situation is rarely obvious.
In fact, the hardest situations usually involve good people.
People who have contributed, earned trust, and have helped build something meaningful.
That's what makes it complicated.
We tell ourselves it will pass.
We want to be fair.
We want to make sure we're not overreacting.
And underneath all is what is really driving our actions:
What if I'm wrong?
When Leadership Starts Feeling Heavy
So we wait.
And while we're waiting, the fun starts to disappear.
Decisions become complicated, progress slows, and every meeting requires more energy.
What once felt energizing begins to feel exhausting.
Eventually, many leaders find themselves swimming upstream without fully understanding why.
This is one of those things leaders don't often say out loud.
When something important isn't working, we often know far earlier than we're willing to admit.
But instead of exploring what we know, we explain it away.
We normalize it.
We adapt around it.
A Question Worth Exploring
When the fun disappears, it's worth getting curious.
What are you carrying?
What have you adapted to?
What have you convinced yourself needs more time when it may actually need your attention?
The Cost of Waiting
The longer we ignore what we already know, the more it costs us.
Our patience wears thin.
We lose the humility that makes us effective leaders in the first place.
More importantly, we begin to lose trust in ourselves.
We question our judgment rather than exploring what it may already be telling us
